Past and Future

2013 is coming to an end in another few more hours here in UK and it also marks the first anniversary of my blog. Looking back at this, let's see what I have done for the past one year.

1. I accomplished this but ... I failed one core module. Got an overall of 76-ish. Worth the sleepless nights I spent in the library prior to the exam and not to mention the 5kg which I gained during the exam period (I eat a lot when I am under stress xD). Now for the failed module, I won't have to resit it again in uni but I think I am going to pay another a few hundreds pounds to retake it.

2. Just going to write a short one on this. Still am single and available but I don't think I am ready to jump into one yet. I am not "stable" yet. And apologies to you-know-who-you-are. Sometimes I feel ashamed to talk to you again and thanks for letting me know something which I have been ignorant to.

3. Made it up the last summer I went back to compensate for my less than frequent calls back home. I did my best to solve some conflicts within the house. Did everything I could to keep my family happy, especially mum who is alone at home most of the time. No long cold war. I think the only one was when I wanted to drive out at night and mum didn't let me to and I "merajuk-ed". lol

4. LOL. This one ah? I have had people laughing at me for this and still I have not done this. Someone offered to accompany me there already. Hopefully there will be a time when we both are free and go there for a weekend trip or something.

5. Weight has been wandering around that figure. No shape at all. lol. I remembered telling the someone who offered to take me to London this "You know when I look at all those fit and toned body on Grindr or Jack'd, I have this sudden urge of going to gym but when I rethink how long I can keep going, my brain says, "Yeah, Once in a year.", to which he just laughed.

6. Rickman (a British guy who have been constantly expressing his love towards me) taught me a couple of that but I think I have a lot more to learn. Is jumping in bed with the Brit considered one?

7. Mostly gay friends, a couple from blogosphere and a couple from Grindr and Jack'd. Not friends with benefits just pure friends. though for one or two I hope for more lol There are some whom I have not met in person yet, especially this guy whom I constantly flirt with but we know we aren't for each other lol. Then got two hot Spanish and one twinky American.

8. Yes I have and also I am more open to Ron (the guy friend whom I am out to). There was once I asked him whether he would like to see something. He said, "go ahead" and I showed him a photo of my gay friend kissing his bf in a public park. He gave me the o.O face and I literally can't stop myself laughing but yeah he said he was okay with that. lol. And no we didn't talk about sex at all. I still want to keep my good image. xD Oh and while I was in Iceland, we were walking down this Laugavegur street and I pointed to a pub with colourful paint and told him it's a gay bar. I am surprised he didn't know about the rainbow flag. :O

9. I have, the most recent one being a trip to Iceland. It was really pretty. Strongly recommended if you are looking for a romantic kind of trip. Not bad for a family/friend trip too. I can recommend a nice apartment which is like the cheapest of all and very cosy.

10. Spent Christmas eve afternoon with Rickman. It was a sudden one. I was planning to get myself a coat and he offered to take me around. Had lunch in one Malaysian restaurant and we started our gay topic. There were two Malaysian chinese guys in there too, just a few metres away from our table. Errr, I hope you didn't eavesdrop. And if you are gay and happen to stumble upon this blog, come say hi.


Happy New Year,
V

Still A First?

No, not anymore!

I was over the moon a few days after coming back from the UK as I learnt that I have got a First for my exams. The feeling of being one of those few who made the cut and putting myself on par with some of the countries’ brightest was great. A week after that, the breakdown was out on the university system and I logged in to calculate my overall percentage. As I scrolled down the page, I saw an ‘F’. I yelled out an ‘F’ word too. I couldn’t believe what was happening. A First but with a failure in one core module. For real?!

I asked around and all of my friends did way better than they expected. One friend whom I tutored and supported got a 2:2 mark. That reaffirmed me that my mark for the module could have been mistakenly calculated or keyed in to the system. Without wasting much time, I emailed the secretary of the exam board for a recheck of my script. Yesterday night I received his reply and my heart sank. There wasn’t any error in my mark and he even provided me with my raw mark.

So I called dad to tell him the ‘bad’ news. It was too hard for me to tell him what had happened that I paused for a while when he picked up the phone. I am sure dad would not have expected this as the other day when I told him about the ‘error’, he backed me. I am feeling guilty for letting down my dad, for not living up to expectations. I hate myself for not studying harder and letting slip the chance of getting exempted from a professional paper.

Now, it’s time to pick up the pieces and mend my heart. I will have to re-study the materials again and resit for the professional paper which costs 200 plus pounds.

Thank God, I will still be allowed to continue on the course after being informed by my tutor.

I will have myself to be blamed for what’s going on. *sigh* A painful and expensive lesson.

V

Mixed Feelings

It's like a roller-coaster ride week.

Started off with me finishing my finals and then a night off in London. Two days after that, I met Michael and we kissed under the moonlight by the lake. Three meets after that including an invitation to watch his band performance. A day trip to Wales yesterday and I thought it would be a great trip before I go back and face the haze. No, I was wrong. Not because the city is boring (in fact it is, to certain extent) but a distant phone call from my family 4am in the morning (Malaysian time). I was angry throughout the whole phone call. Almost broke down but luckily friends were with me. Never thought that it'd happen again, for the second time. I wish I am there with them right now. I feel so useless.

Just came back from meeting with R. First time seeing him after ages. Wasn't in good mood due to family matters but he managed to cheer me up a little with his charming smile and lame jokes. Great lunch. Shall put my feelings aside for now while I try to calm myself down. Hope that things will be better. Fingers crossed.

V

I Miss You

I called you just now.
Didn't know where I should start from,
So I asked if you were already asleep,
Though I knew the answer.

I know,
I am not good with expressing myself.
It has always been like this with you,
Please forgive me.

It has been,
150 days,
Since we dined together,
And I last saw you smile.

"How have you been?".
You paused,
It has been a while,
Since I asked you this.

You said you are well,
And everything is going smoothly.
Sometimes I know you lie,
So as not to keep me worried.

You asked the same question,
Each time I called you.
"Have you eaten yet?".
"Please take care of your weak body".

Like me,
You are bad in expressions,
I bet that is why,
We are together.

You told me loads of stuffs,
While I just listened.
Your voice is so comfortable,
To be heard.

As you were talking,
I heard a sobbing tone over the phone.
I wish I were there,
To wipe away your tears.

It is so contagious,
My eyes became teary,
My cheeks soon turned wet,
It just happened like that.

In another 127 days,
I wish it is shorter.
I will be back soon,
Back to be with you.

I want to tell you,
How much I love you.
I miss you,
My beloved daddy. x <3


Your little kid,
V

Happy Chinese New Year!

Hello blog readers!

V, here in UK would like to wish everyone Happy Chinese New Year! Gong Xi Fa Cai! 

New year, new shirt, new pants. Not to forget NEW underwear also ya! LOL. I am in yellow, just saying. :-p

For those who are not celebrating, V hopes that you enjoy the few-day-long holidays and for those who neither celebrate nor have holidays, V would like to tell you that your life sucks. Joking x. Hope everybody have a great day anyway!

It is V's second New Year without the company of family and relatives. It dawned on me that it has been quite some time since I got to celebrate Chinese New Year with the whole family. Last year I was not home and four consecutive years before that my other sibling was away. I must go home for New Year next year!

The fact that I am staying in a proper house here in UK makes me even more homesick. :(

Here are some photos that I took yesterday night at a New Year Eve dinner.

My 'family' here in UK. The one on the first row right hand side is a white.

Decorations that are up on the ceiling. It has been ages ago since I made this.

Chinese knot!

Mandarin.

Ang pow with no money inside of course.

One element that cannot be missed during New Year.

Alcohol. Not mine though.

Love x

V

2013 New Year Resolutions

It is Wednesday afternoon and I just got up from my 1.5-hour nap. *stretches body* *opens up curtain*

I see my two other friends in the back lane of the house like right now. Seriously?! *minimises windows*
Will be right back.


Back to my blog post. :)
Yeah, I have gone back to school and been pretty busy lately. Just finished my exam yesterday. Phew! It is one of those important papers that I will have to get at least a 2.1 grade in order for me to get an exemption of a professional paper. Ugh! I revised the same set of lecture notes and online notes for 5 times in total over the Christmas break and kept myself studying in the silent zone of the library for a few consecutive days (something which I have never done before!) and AND resisted the use of Grindr and Jack'd (this is the main point)! Please pass me, okay! Thanks to Rich (not his real name, of course) for helping me throughout.

Remark: A list of names will be published soon *hopefully in the next post* as to who the people that I refer to are.


So, here is a list of my new year resolutions:
1. Get a First Class
2. Get into a relationship
3. Care about family
4. Leave my footprints in London
5. Keep my body weight below 65kg and tone it
6. Learn about the British culture
7. Know more friends
8. Be more courageous
9. Collect more passport stamps
10. Spend Christmas break out of my room


First one is the most important of all. Staying on track for another First Class is a no easy job but I will try my best to repeat the feat again this year. A 70 plus is good enough but it will be better if I can break into the 80 mark barrier. A £1000 is waiting for me if I can repeat another miracle.

A boyfriend, hopefully for this year! I have that one person in mind right now. Not sure if he feels what I am feeling towards him. Hope he does. I have been telling myself not to mess up again this time as he is superbly down-to-earth and I might end up staying together with him this September onward. I don't want any awkward moments with him.

2012 was kind of a bad year to dad. First he fell down at home and no one was in that time. I only got to know it through my cousin after a week or so. Parents have been telling me to keep them updated of my stuffs over here but they broke the rules. Sien dao. Then when I got back home this summer, he kepoh went to help his workers and ended up having his hand inside a machine. I always tell him to stay inside his office but .....  *sigh* stubborn dad!

I bet this is the more hilarious thing! I have not been on a proper trip to London yet even though I am now here for my second year. Really have to get my ass off to London!

*weigh myself* 66! Oh my goodness! I swear it was 65kg a few days back. :-( Need to cut down on chocolate and ice-cream (Ben and Jerry is half price now wor!) Was at 68kg in mid-August and managed to reduced it to 62kg before I flew back and now 66! *sob*

Number 6 is because of *cough* someone. Not going to elaborate on that. Teehee. =D

More friends! Oh yes please! I have never thought of being able to get to know so many (at least not one) friends through those dating apps and one of them is HIM!

Be more vocal and defend myself for what I think I am right. Guess I was quite brave enough to come out to two people last year. More to come?

9 and 10 are almost similar. Might be going to Italy during the Easter break and have in mind Portugal straight after summer exam. Time for some eye candies. lol. I have been spending two consecutive Christmas break staying in my room revising for exam. Not again this year!!!

That is all for now. See you. x

V

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